It's hard being in depression's grip. My bout has been for years. You cannot control your depression, only your reaction to it. That's good you're practicing CBT, keep doing it even though you may think it's not working, it'll work its way in somehow. My advice would be to reach out, find local support groups to share your grief with, to heal with. Hope is hard to come by when we figure things won't change anyway. I have that feeling All the time. But, keep trying, for your little one. Hopefully this heavy fog will lift a little and you can work from there. Depression is a lot about backsliding...although we can learn from each episode. There are things you just can't prevent fully, and things you can prepare yourself for by doing therapy, CBT, and going to support groups. Hope you can feel better soon.