First I'd like to thank everyone that has replied to my post. I have taken all that you have said and have given it all a lot of thought.
There is no doubt in my mind that seeking help sooner than later is the best thing for me. Thank god that I will finally be able to speak to a professional tomorrow, and thank god there is a place like Pshych central to have someone elses outside opinion.
I realize now (after the initial blow) after a few days that the best thing to do is to worry about what I need to do to help make the changes in my life that are neccessary before I can try to mend or contact my ex-fiance. It's the old saying, " How can you manage to make someone else happy if you're not happy with yourself." Do I love him?, Yes! Do I love myself right now?, No, and I'm pretty sure that even now, he probably loves me more than I have loved myself.
So, in the next few days the only thing I wish for myself is to take each day as it comes, I don't want to worry about what next week or next month has in store. When I do it only makes it hard for me to breath.
A response though; as to why I pushed it so far; I don't know? I have my own theories. I wanted his unconditional love, AND I HAD IT ALL ALONG, but I didn't realize it.
I only want the best for him, and for me, and for all of us for that matter!
I hope that sunlight pops through the clouds today!