Well, I don't know what to do....

I know I need some sort of help, I have over the years been, suicidal, depressed, anxious, addicted (Sorta), sad, happy, and 1 million other emotions that I have battled myself.

I have always told myself I am strong enough, I AM STRONG ENOUGH! The "Counselors" I have been to, I seem to think I can out smart, scare, get into their head. I am honest with them/myself one minute and not the next.

I hide my real emotions from the loved ones around me. My wife has no idea of the mental hell that lives in my head. Years and years I have fought with this hell, I win some and lose some.

I have 20 or 30 things on a list that I would like to complete one day but I can't even get the motivation to get started. I need to study, but when I start to study it last about 2 or 3 days. I need to exercise, when I do it last a couple of weeks. Same with diets, smoking, addiction, and just about everything I do.

I am lost in a world that doesn't understand me. A life that breaths confusion.