Dec 18, 2010 at 01:57 AM
Why should I want to cry and hurt and TRIGGER in all the same words....Why such UGLY ______________.....Just to be done....There is a huge trigger right now....I appreciate bpd2 you saying what you just said being tired and all and I will re-read and re-read...I am not the sort that just looks once and stops..I am the sort of person to re-evaluate and really try...I am a good student for some one that NEVER ever got out of HIGH SCHOOL LOL....
I feel abandoned so alone even here OMG??? I want to cry? SCARED?? WEIRD PLACE....Just like it's over?? .......WHY?? Maybe It's understanding? Dunno....Maybe realization I am not alone? Maybe it's that I have to be around allot of kids the next two weeks cuz of winter break? UGH and be "normal" cuz My kids are anything but antisocial....I will surrender to having kids over even when I don't want to and the "other"s who are part of my illness that are teenagers or youngster's themselves that luv to have kids around even though I see it as exhausting....I know this dose not belong HERE but just trying to say that it's a hand in hand why it is overwhelming to me!!!!!!!! DONE....Just wishing it all to go away....I never underestimate any of your suggestions as ugly or as stupid as I may seem atm...So please just excuse my ignorance........Sry for being emotionally imbalanced.... I want to be strong...I do.........I just effin suck and wish I could hurt a few hundred people RIGHT NOW???? 
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the past is my future. the pain is my emotion that is my prison. what I feel is as confusing as to why I feel it?
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