Quote:
Originally Posted by jexa
So, I really lost my head in August and went through a period where I was doing a lot of SI, cutting in the same place over and over, etc. I stopped in the middle of August, but now the scars are still SO bad. Viciously purple, dark, and deep, even all these months later. Every day I look at them and feel so depressed. I have realized that I now have 40 lifetime scars on my leg from that period in my life. I wish I had not gone so deep 
I don't know what I'm going to say to the next guy I date. I have never dated a guy and had such obvious SI scars before. I don't think anyone I know (except my closest, closest friends) would have any idea that I am the kind of person who would SI. Most people think I am really bubbly and happy. So now any guy I date and decide to do anything physical with will know how sad and self-destructive I can get. I'm really uncomfortable with that. And, I don't want to start liking a guy, only to find that he rejects me because of this.
Is there a way to avoid explaining what the scars are from? They are 40 neat, diagonal slashes toward the top of my left calf. What else could make a mark like that? They are WAY too deep to be explained as cat scratches or anything like that. They are too wide as well. Has anyone else found a good cover for explaining deep, wide, dark-colored, obvious scars?
How do you explain this to guys you date? How soon do you explain? What's appropriate? Should I let them know really soon what they are getting themselves into, or wait until the situation comes about where they are forced to ask where those scars came from?
I am just feeling really hopeless about ever feeling comfortable in a relationship ever again. Now it's like I have a sign plastered on me for all to see:
Damaged Goods.
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That last line made me want to cry and give you a big hug. I don't know what guys would think, but I guess most people would be uncomfortable seeing the scars and knowing where they came from. But what I think, from reading your post, is that you are a really strong person, that sure, you had your bad days, but that's the past, and you survived it. In a way, your scars say that you are a survivor.
I was thinking about lifetime scars, that they could come from accidents or whatever unfortunate event. The scars would remain, but so would the fact that the person got through that horrific event and made it out okay and was able to deal with whatever traumatizing effects that resulted. The scars may be no accident in your case, but they did result from a horrific time in your life, and hey, a lot of accidents do happen because of mistakes that people make, and that is no different in your case.
I don't really have much advice about relationships, but I think that if you want to be in a relationship with someone, you shouldn't try to come up with a cover story, since relationships should be honest and open. I don't know when you should talk about it, but maybe you would be able to naturally feel when the right time is as you develop the relationship.
In my case, my scars actually attracted guys, since they had SI too. Maybe it made them feel that they weren't alone in the world or something like that. Of course people who don't SI could also be as understanding and accepting.
I hope you feel better..
