I went home for Thanksgiving and not only did I not tell my parents that I think I'm depressed (etc...), my mom actually told me that I seemed to have things pretty well under control. I was feeling less miserable while I was home, but under control? I almost started laughing right there. And last week when I went to see the therapist for the second time, we spent the whole time talking about...I don't even know. I just know that I tried as best I could to act okay. I probably look like I'm trying to make everything into a joke, which I KNOW is counterproductive, but I can't help it.

I feel like, since I can convince people that I'm doing well, I ought to feel okay. But I don't. I don't think I know how to let down my guard anymore. I think there must be something really wrong with me. I don't know what to do.