Hi Fresia,
I definitely get what you mean about the difference between bragging and being confident in yourself... in theory. In reality, I have found, it doesn't work that way. And yes, as I said in my original post, I know people sometimes brag because they are insecure, however, speaking as an insecure person myself, that is no excuse to shout to the world about accomplishments which, thought impressive, could always be better. And frankly, I find that, whichever type of "expression" (for lack of a better word) that people use to showcase their triumphs, it still makes me feel badly. Of course, you could argue that the problem is with me, and I would completely agree with you. I am, as an ex described, "the most insecure person on the face of the earth." However, I need some practical advice on how to deal with this, because I don't agree with censorship and I wouldn't try to force my ideas on someone anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fresia
There seems to be a difference to me in bragging and having the confidence to say you've done well in something. I have found that it does not diminish another's accomplishments but at times can help by speaking up; if I am not the one doing well, it lets me know who I can turn to for help for those that are doing well and vice versa, if it just happens to be something I am good at, which is few and far between, but then I can help them. I'll only say something if I know they are struggling, that I can help b/c I am good at it.
However sharing one's success, though a boast, is technically bragging but to me it is more when someone continues to go one about their success, kind of shoving it on you and being condescending when they know you have not done as well or to the same standard they have met, whether you are reaching for the same things or not. Just sharing their success and leaving it at that, I don't consider bragging. They are happy about what they have achieved and are just sharing their enthusiasm with you.
There's a friend of my grandmother's who used to go on and on about these wonderful things about her kids and grandkids, ALL these fabulous accomplishments. Always about how well they were doing and could do no wrong. Well, 1. we knew not everything was peaches and roses from the kids/g.kids themselves but 2. she would then turn to me and and my grandmother and say, "So have you actually accomplished anything yet?" This was bragging to me, very condescending, measuring her grandkids against my grandmother's so she could boast so more, "Look how much mine have done!" My grandmother just never got into this game despite whatever it was we had accomplished and told us, we knew what we had done and did not need to tell it unless somehow it would help someone else, pride before the fall and all. She would try to talk to her about the other things but in her mind, all that mattered were the accomplishments; Gram used to say there is more to life and her kids were lonelier always being driven, didn't feel as close and worried about failure. The kids/g.kids used to come to Gram for help. Accomplishments weren't the be all of life, how you live it was more so. Despite talking to her about it at one point in their long friendship, Gram has since passed, she still does it to this day.
You never know why people boast or brag. Some times they need it to feel important for their own self esteem. It is important to feel good about what you have accomplished but not to the point where it is to the exclusion of putting others down with one's boasts. This is what one must be mindful of.
|