There are words in here that may trigger.

I read so many posts throughout PC about people struggling in their relationships with their T's. Over the span of 15 years I worked with 8 or so different T's. Each time knowing what it was I needed to heal. Each time being told I was resistant to therapy because I didn't do things exactly their way. I was told that the healing I was wanting was not out there, that I was a difficult client, that it was too much. I felt the pain and anguish so many here express. I went through flashbacks and body memories, weeks when I just could not stop crying and none of it did me any good. I read over 300 books on healing from trauma and some helped a lot but didn't heal. There were 2 sessions of CBT that were very helpful in managing flashbacks and body memories but they are only symptoms.
Just recently I found the "right" T in an unexpected place. Each session she greats me without expectations or an agenda. She creates a safe environment, helps me to be comfortable and waits patiently. When I need to vent we vent. When I was raped by an a "friend" she sat there with me and allowed her emotions to be out there too, just as vulnerable and just as raw as mine were, she cried with me and we had mutuality. When I ask for what I need she says "yes, that sounds easy enough". Recently we did "trauma work" around an experience I had because that was what came up that day. It was not anything I had brought up with previous T's. It was gentle and freeing. I was relaxed and comfortable the whole time. She sat there, fully present with me through the memory then softly asked "what do you need from me". I said a blanket and she got one from the closet. I reached for it and she shook her head. She wraped me in the blanket and gave me the warmth I needed. There were tears but they were tears of relief.
It doesn't have to be this hard. So many of us know what we need. We are told to ask for our needs to be met just to be told no. I read the "if you could have one thing from your T" thread. SO many of those requests are so simple, so reasonable. The ones that are not are often followed by an understanding of why that can't happen but then there is something else in there that could.
Yes there are limits, yes there need to be boundaries. There also needs to be trust and that trust must be mutual. It is just as important that our T's trust us to know what we need to heal (as opposed to wants) as it is for us to trust our T's to provide that in the healthiest way possible.
I have had a T that I would have loved to have a physical relationship with. It wasn't transference, it wasn't an unmet need... T was HOT and I was in lust. I knew the difference. I knew that being intimate with T was a want not a need and that in the end it would be harmful. Most of us CAN be trusted to know the difference. We have lived with ourselves, we know our complete history like no other person can.
It creates such pain in my heart to see so many here struggle so hard to make things work. That fight every day with all they have left of themselves in an attempt to heal. People struggling until they have nothing left. When it can be so gentle... But that would not be in the best interest of therapists or the pharmisutical companies so on we trudge.



Hmmm.... Is there a way to make the book the default pic on everything I write? dear lord I am long winded! LOL