So I talked to my wife today about my ongoing issues and the past. Big step for me because I still have a lot of trust issues with her. Talking about the old days she said she thought there were days I hated her and she referred to them as my Psycho husband moments. I told her I still have those days I also told her about the paranoia. Was a real eye opener for her. I told her how I just keep a lot to my self now as far as feelings go the. The anger a little harder to hide. I still think she walks on egg shells around me. Poor woman. I do try to stop myself once I realize I am doing it again. When I'm doing something and getting agrivatted with it my youngest will tell me dad calm down. Howsabout abreak dad. How can you argue with that. I asked her if she ever gets paranoid like I do.she said no. It was emotional for us both but it was a good talk. I have my mistrust with her but I did loosen up a little. I have to do better. My youngest already has anger issues. So hard to reason with him when he gets that way. I don't want him to be like me. Well at least not an a-hole like me. I tell him so all the time that what dad does is wrong and That we both need to learn better ways of dealing with it. Maybe as I learn I can mentor him. I wonder sometime if this isn't genetic. One oldest boy real stable and very patient. Youngest is more like me. My mom is the same way as me. Did I learn this from her and teach it to him, then how come my oldest boy is so much more sensible. My psychology says it is probably both. Who knows. I do know I want to be a better role model for him he deserves it. They both do. And my wife deserves someone less *****y. I worry she'll meet him and put up with her psycho husband anymore. Well at least we are talking about it and I got some things off my chest with her. That's a start.