I have at last count been able to match 25 names that appear on drawing writings and so on to 25 memory pieces.

It wasn't that hard at first. I had times when I woke up other places and couldnt remember things, new things showing up familiar things disappearing and so on have just always happened. So I didn't know these things didn't happen to others. kind of like someone raised on a farm with rhubarb in a garden patch or growing wild. And every day throughout the day they pick a stalk of rhubarb and eat it, no sugar or cooking just fresh out of the ground sour bitterness. That person can eat stalk after stalk with no reaction from the sourness, bitterness, and if they eat it enough their bodies regulate so that there is no bathroom results either. but then you take someone who has never had rhubarb and they are going to have results upon results from one stalk.

Well DID starts in childhood from abuse so the child (me) grew up with everything that happens with this disorder as being normal and nothings wrong. So when I couldn't remember something I either said ok I forgot sorry. or I went into my mental safe plafe and my body performed from the stored memory of what I had fogotten. No reason for me to get upset when this happened because I thought it was normal and everyone did it.

My behavior was different when I wasn't aware because I was acting out the stored memories but because those memories are situations and experiences that I experienced no one questioned the differences. People around me just thought I was moody. I could be quiet one minute and loud the next, laughing one minute and crying the next. one minute I could be sitting playing a piano and the next punch a teacher because she took my hands of the piano.To me this was normal. I didn't know any different.

It was only after I was in therapy for nightmares and depression that I found out this isn't normal and then got scared about it. Thanks to a terrific therapist Im back to not being scared of the things that happen. I now know why I act like I do. When something upsets me or reminds me of what I went through I relax myself by going into my mental safe place called la la land and my body goes on a sort of autopilot of acting out a memory. For example when I punched that teacher I was in la la land and my body was acting out a memory. That morning I had been abused. I went to school thinking about playing that piano. The day before I had been practicing my piano right after being abused so the next day after being abused before school when I went to la la land my body acted out by leaving my first class (gym) and finding a piano and playing it. The teacher came looking for me and trying to get me to stop playing the piano. No matter what she said I couldnt stop playing the piano because my body was rerunning a memory. When she couldn't stop my playing the piano by talking she picked up my hands off of the piano. my bodys reaction was to match her picking my hands up with another memory and during that experience I had punched my abuser so I automatically punched the teacher. Now that I know the process of what happens with DID. To fix it just takes finding the triggers and matching them with the right memories. Once I found out someone grabbing my wrists causes my brain to rerun the memory of punching my abuser I was able to take precautions so that everyone around me knows you don't grab my wrists to get my attention. Then to desensitize myself from this trigger I started wearing things on my wrists. First it was a small sticker for a few seconds throughout the day now I have no problems with wearing watches and bracelets and people can touch my hands and wrists without fear of my punching them.

Talk with your therapist. tell her you are ready to know what is wrong with you and why you act like you do and she will help you to start your own research and develop a therapy program to help you find your memories and the triggers for those memories so that you no longer act on them.

You will also find some great books and so on to help you along the way in the thread called - resource list - pinned to the top of the main page here.