It's very concerning when you realize that hey you haven't left your house...but have no desire to do so. Currently i am unable/unwilling, maybe it's the season...i hate holidays and any reminder that they are iminent. So going out at this time feels impossible.More then that though...i even isolate in my home with my husband. Sometimes i'm watching myself reject him, but when he tries to hug me i just recoil and shake...i truely want to be alone, but cant bear the thought at the same time. I dont want to hurt him...but i already am..and i dont know how to stop myself, you know i just want to stop the movie and hug him back. I actually know it's because i stopped my meds, and i know they are important and everything but i just want to quit for a while..come down..and then re start them...so i can be happy again. I need that bit of depression..i need to be able to cry and feel..even just a short time...cause the hypo mania is nice but it seems make me feel nothing and i hate that. I dunno what i'm looking for..with posting..i dont even know if i want a reply..i think i just need to get it out, i hate the damn holidays...i hate them hate them hate them.