I do hope your pdoc can help you with this. It sounds kind of like the more you try not to do this, the more you do it.

Maybe your brain only accepts information it can understsand or accept or makes sense? Like if the software and the hardware of the computer are not compatible, you will not get results? Or maybe your brain hasn't got the message that not everything you take in make sense that it is okay for it not to make sense?

I'd be interested in hearing what your pdoc has to say about this. It's hard to know you are doing something you don't want to do but can't seem to get a handle on controlling it. Very frustrating huh?

Sending you safe cyberhugs.