Apologies for the another thread by me,I know the other one i started is still floating around down there, but this is somewhat different to that thread.

I'm not sure if this is the right thread , but I'm gonna give it a go anyway.

My stupid self destructive self is slowly manifesting to something worse and worse. It's not just SIing (which I've started up again hurray), I've done things that make me upset and anxious just thinking about it.Stupid mistakes that I can't take back,that I know aren't going to end well. I'm not sure how long I'm going to go on like this, something has to happen, whether I go talk to someone or I finally get the courage just to take that big leap. Idk , I'm sorry if this is confusing to people reading this, I'm really just venting. I just want something, I feel so worthless, I can't do anything right,ever .

I know what people are going to say, are you seeing a T etc., no I'm not at the moment. I used to have one,but we never got on, and I never found therapy helpful.They always ask such trivial questions and discuss things which really aren'y helpful at all. I'm not sure if I'm asking for help, or just venting.I don't think I even want help,I don't deserve any.

Last night I went out with my friends for my birthday, and it was just..horrible. It shouldn't have been though. I made another stupid mistake,spent the rest of the night crying and avoiding eye contact with everyone because I felt so worthless. I'm not sure where I'd be without my friends, they all agreed we should go home and said I could stay with them until I felt better, but me being me, I declined,went home, and tried to end it all andnd the fact that I didn't even suceed in that shows how much of a failure I really am

I'm sorry this post is so long, and if youve taken time to read it all thankyou