I hate the holidays, too, but it seems likely it's not the holidays so much as stopping your meds. Did you stop your meds on your own? And does your husband know you did? Wanting to feel something is natural; choosing depression is probably not a good idea. It's possible you need a different combo of meds; and if you haven't worked with your doctor on it, how can you be sure you've chosen the best course of action? If your husband doesn't know you've stopped your meds, at least talk to him about it. Then he might understand that you're not rejecting him, but that you are reacting to the lack of meds.