Happy Birthday, Carrie-19!
In an earlier post you mentioned you had been diagnosed with both depression and dysthymia, yes? Either one is bad and together they're worse. Regardless, the intensity and depth of your distress is apparent. As much as possible, please be gentle with yourself. You are more than your feelings.
Be safe
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My dog
mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.