The only way I once knew I was cared about or could show love was through sex, and at the same time, it scared me to death; after the last trauma incident, I needed my boyfriend (now husband) to cuddle me while at the same time being unable to feel him touch me without feeling like the unwanted touching was still there. When I couldn't handle the feelings or I was getting into something I didn't want, I would freeze up, and I was then totally vulnerable. Also, my constant "I want you" and then "no, I can't" attitudes drove guys crazy--and not in a good way.

I now have a great physical relationship with my husband. He learned about why I reacted like I did (There is a lot of information out there--on line, through counselors, etc. on PTSD for partners of victims), and he would never take something farther with me than I did with him. He payed attention to my body language to know when to lay off--if I started spacing, he just layed with me and cuddled. Over time, I learned that he cared more for me than about his sexual wants, and I learned to view him--and his touch--apart from what had happened to me in the past. It takes time and a loving husband.