Thanks JD. I'm sure my partner would understand if I stayed with my parents for a little bit but I don't want to do that to him, leave him in this ugly living situation down here alone.
I don't want to die at this point but I am going through "a living nighmare" where it is impossible for me to see a bright future. I am so caught up in resentment towards so many people. I finished my associate degree in 2003 and have essentially done nothing since them. I've just kept spiraling down more and more in every facet of my life.
I need to find a way to be stronger and not give in to weakness. I know that IF I DID work full-time, I would make enough money to have an OK life. The problem is I think about weird stuff like the following: Why work so hard when I could die in a horrible car accident? Or if I might die a horrible slow death of liver failure? I have such a horrible fear of death I guess...
Thanks everyone for your great comments on my thread! I feel your support!

Z