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Dec 20, 2010, 09:29 AM
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Member Since: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 9,092
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Hi everyone some of you may not know me. I have not si'd in a while and don't come to this forum a WHOLE lot in order to protect myself from thinking about it too much/triggering. But I used to si pretty often.
I've been getting closer to si for the past week, and it's starting to scare me. I've resisted. The desire is no where NEAR as intense as it was before. I've not si'd for a while, I wish I remembered the last day I did so I could keep a count, and be proud.
I've been really upset with myself/angry at myself (but really I'm angry upset and terrified by a lot more than just myself, I tend to blame myself for everything  )
!!--- Trigger warning ---!!
Last night was humiliating. I had a sudden intense urge to si, had just been trying to cut open a bagel and started to run downstairs with something to the bathroom, boyfriend followed though. I don't think I actually would have done it but it was so close. I've not done that in what feels like a very long time.
!!--- End trigger ---!!!
So I'm humiliated and afraid  and could use some support
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Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
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