Glad to hear you're giving up smoking, Max. The patch is the way to go -- cold turkey is hell on the brain and the nerves. Have you ever tried hypnosis? I know it doesn't have a wonderful track record for smoking, but it seems to help people who are really motivated to quit, and you sound really motivated.

And not sharing your problems, even with your spouse? I know where you're coming from there. That's a typical guy thing, believe me. It creates kind of a double-whammy: not only do we close ourselves off from the support system that might help us deal with these problems, but we develop a kind of shame about our "secret lives". Why do we do it? I think it's pride, actually. We take a perverse kind of pleasure in being "strong enough" to handle it ourselves without the need of help from family or professionals...even though deep down we know we're not handling it very well. Or maybe it's fear? We're afraid of what might happen if we really ask for help, because folks might realize that we're not as strong as we like to think we are.

What finally shook me out of that pattern was realizing that even though I thought I was hiding that anguish, it was coming out in other ways. I'd be sullen or angry or just plain tired. I realized that there was nothing strong or manly about putting my family and friends through hell because I was too stubborn to ask for help.

If you get the chance, pick up a copy of "I Don't Want to Talk About It: The Secret Legacy of Male Depression" by Terrence Real.

And by the way, welcome to the forums!