today i was all set to show T my pic but was able to talk some today.someday i hope to be able to know what makes the differance from when i cant.i think T knows and was talking some about it in beginning of our session but then moved to something else.i think we both wanted to take advantage of my talkitive mood.we talked a bit about my son being 19 and then she asked what i was like at 19 .i told her i was a spoiled brat.her responce was "i dont see that as being true at all"i then reminded her she wasnt thare to see how i was.she then asked again how was I.

i told her i was a horrable person, angry ,manipulative,and vilent.i hated everything and every one.she said that still didnt make me a spoiled brat .she said she doesnt see that i knew any other way to be i had no choice.i told her in my years of therapy one thing i have learned is that i have choices.what made me a spoiled brat is the choices i made.now i make differnt choices.when i am angry at someone i make the choice not to pick up the nearest chair and throw it.

her responce was.yes you make differnt choices now but i bet you still feel the same inside.that has never changed thats what we need to talk about.i never looked at it this way.something i know sounds so simple but not something i ever thought about.that i can feel these feelings without the behaviors.anyway dont know whare i am going with this it just kind of blew my mind that she understood how bad things are without behaviors or anythingshe seemed to care also