This is a strange one isnt it? I have often chased men for self gratification but felt awful afterwards. I get turned on but dont actually feel very much during and i always fake... I want to know what it really feels like but I never have. Again, I think it is a trust issue, if you trust some one with your whole heart, grrrrrrrrrr, I dont know. Its very confusing. I met some one special and he isnt in a great big rush to have sex, we hold each other all night long and that feels awesome.........grrrr pfffffffft, but then i worry that i am not attractive or desirable......... oh man, am i messed up or what? Life is indeed, a bowl of toe nails!!