LOL!!!! Bowl of toenails, I love it! I like what you said about chasing men for self gratification and then having to fake it. I too have always faked it. Until recently I had a huge resentment at all the men I slept with, thinking they had used me, but in fact, I was using them, trying to feel "a part of" something, that wasn't gratifying for me in the least. I thought I felt better being able to do for them what they needed, but all it did was make me hate men, and myself, in the process. I've been "sex free" for about 10 months, and all I miss is the intimacy, the closeness, not the act. I don't think we'll ever understand it.