I wore my black baseball cap almost all the time I went out, for about a year. It was my little security blanket. Something to hide behind because I wanted to keep people out.
Over the weekend my dog ate my black baseball cap and I freaked. Rushed to different stores, without a cap, to buy a new one.
It was strange walking around without the cap. I felt naked and exposed. I kept my head tilted and played with my hair and would look down at the ground while walking.
The lights in the store seemed too bright. I would look at someone and then quickly look away.
I really started to get upset when the first two stores didn't have any baseball caps. But I persisted because I knew I could not survive without one on my head.
My third store was the big K. I guess I had gotten use to the hat being off by that time because I was walking with my head up. I beelined it for the accessories in the men's section.
They had some really stupid caps there but I had no choice but to choose one of them.
It took me 10 minutes to decide.
I ended up with a black cap with a brown bill. The black and brown would match my black leather coat and my brown suede. It's important to be color coordinated.
I went to the cashier and looked at her directly. I smiled and small talked with her.
I told her I didn't need a bag and walked out of the store.
I thought I'd put it right on my head but I didn't. I didn't the next day when I went off to work either.
I carried it with me, just in case and when I did put it on in a fit of insecurity-it felt stupid.
For the rest of the day I left it in the car.
I think this marks a new beginning for me.
I'll probably still have it close to me-just in case-but I really don't think I'm going to use it much.

I was sooooo mad at my dog for chewing up my baseball cap. I actually hit her on the hiney with the chewed up cap. Something I hardly ever do. (I don't like hitting my puppies.)
I think she's wiser then I'll ever understand.