I can sooooo relate to what you experience hayward.

I wrote something in the PTSD forum you might relate to(hope this link works)....scroll down to the the 3rd reply-- does it sound familiar?
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...=166578&page=2

I like what Perna said-- about having "now" and working on what one wants in their life.

sorry this is a bit short, i've got to get going now.

fins