You cannot be helped if you don't want to help yourself. By not seeking counseling and professional help you are showing that you do not want to help yourself. I wish you would please seek professional help!

There are alternatives to actually huritng yourself and leaving marks. There is the rubber band method (put a rubber band around the area you want to SI, and snap it over and over agian until you are satisified), ice method (holding ice cubes in your hand, will feel the sensation of the pain from the cold but no actual harm done) and there are many other ways.

But, as I said, you should seek out professional help. It will be uncomfortable at first, but then you will learn to relax and it will get better.