rams, I have this problem and I have to say that your anxiety is better than mine, because you are married and in a relationship....something I am still unable to get involved in. So don't feel so bad.

I really suggest that you get professional help, especially since you say you have been abused in the past. Stuff that happens in your youth is very powerful. Talking about it in therapy can help you heal from that stuff, as painful as it is to "go back to that place". I was never abused in any way, but my mother was a functional alcoholic when I was a kid. And when she and my father realized she had to leave home for a while to get treatment/detox, my therapist said that must have felt like an abandonment for me at a young age (I was 11). Unfortunately she relapsed 3 times, extending this "instability" in my family. I never wanted to totally acknowledge this "abandonment" before, because my mom is a great mother, she has been sober for over 18 years and is doing great. But my psychologist was right. I also told her how it always seemed like we had to lie for my mom, cover up where she was, etc. etc. etc. which really contributes to my chronic fear of embarrassment to this day. There were some embarrassing things that happened to me in school that were mom-related, that I am *just* coming around to thinking of bringing up in therapy.

Anyway, I hope you get help soon. Take care, PM me if you have any questions