bpd mess, I will never find that T because this is it. I will never again expose myself to this type of anguish. Never. I can't do it. I thought that it was safe to do with the right one - with someone who I felt I could trust. Not just a T.
I can't now... I just can't do that ever again. Not to this level.

I WANT to never ever see him again. But dang it - I put in a lot of effort into having him SEE who I am. He knows ME. So even if I get hurt by him, I still need him to help me make it. Maybe it can only be face to face. And maybe my path will just be harder. But I have to do what I need to do.