i am looking forward to Christmas. i don't know what has happened to me, unless it's the meds. the last few years have been horrible and depressing. i have been making gifts, thinking about cookies and even planning a craft day with my daughter. it scares me, because i'm afraid i'll lose the feeling before the day gets here. i want to hold on to this...the granddaughters and daughters deserve something better than someone huddled on the sofa, crying. or not letting anyone into the house. i did that in 2003.

i've started thinking about making brownie mix and putting it into jars for gifts. this is very bizarre for me. i am checking out stuff on t.v. and in magazines. i haven't done this in so long.