even though it's not forever, even though I'll see T at the end of next week, saying goodbye today at the end of my session was really hard.

It was a really, really good session, though. The kind of session you really hope you'll have before a break. We talked about everything going on with me and we talked a little bit about trauma stuff, and it was okay. It was hard, but it was okay.

I gave T a small gift I had knitted for her, and a copy of my favorite album. This album has a lot of significance in my life and I have talked about it with T, a lot. I've listened to it on every best and worst day of my life since I was 13 years old. I was listening to it on my walkman (remember those??) when the SA happened. I listened to it today. It seemed important to me, all of a sudden, that T listen to it too.

When I gave it to her, she immediately knew the significance, and told me that she had been thinking about buying it. She said she'll put it on her ipod and listen to it on her trip.

T said she will be answering phone calls every day while she's away, once a day. So it's not that different from how it is now, really. She even said "unless you text me 911. If you text me 911, I'll call you right back."

AND she said "that's a special, limited offer, not for all of my clients" LOL!

I told her that made me feel special. She said I AM special.

At the end of the session, T asked if she could hug me, which was funny because I was about to ask her the same thing. It was only the second time we've hugged. It felt really good.

The she drew me a map (remember when she did that few months ago?) to a local bookstore because I said I was going to Barnes and Noble, lol. So now I have 2 T-drawn maps.

I called her later and left her a message saying that thinking about her leaving makes me feel really sad and scared, and I'm not sure what that's about but it's the old abandonment stuff again. I told her I need to know that I'm okay, and that she's coming back, and that I'll see her next week, and that everything is going to be okay.