I think I'm starting to lose the connection i feel with my t. I hate it, and there is no excuse for it since i've been seeing her so long. I should be able to hang onto that connected feeling for alot longer than i can. So i feel frustrated with myself.

It started Dec. 1 when my t left town unexpectedly without letting me know what happened. The receptionist at her office called and told me she had an emergency, but not what it was. So i didn't see her for 2 weeks during that time (I missed 1 session, but it was a 2-week span). While she was gone, i was able to maintain that connected feeling with her, which i felt proud of. However, when she got back and i went to my next session, i found that i was reluctant to talk about my issues, knowing that she was going through hard stuff herself. She encouraged me to go ahead and address my issues, but I felt like a part of me was split off and unavailable. So we did not get to do too much.

Now, a week has gone by, and i have a session this afternoon. I'm finding that I feel upset because my t is going to be gone again next week, and i will be missing my session again. In addition to that, my parents are coming into town, and it is always a stressful time for me.

I am feeling two things right now. First, I feel like my connection with my t is getting shaken up because of the the interruptions to our normal routine. I know they were/are necessary, and i did well in being able to hold onto our connection while my t was away earlier this month. But I'm starting to feel anxious about her being gone again next week and missing another session. I'm worried about being able to maintain the sense of continuity and then being able to pick right back up with our work. I will say that i am not good with change, it makes me anxious. And maybe things just feel too up in the air right now. But i know i need to get used to changes, and eventually i will need to start spacing sessions out anyway as we move toward termination. So i have to start getting used to it now.

The second thing i am feeling is the urge to numb myself out emotionally and just physically go through my routine for the next 2 weeks, to avoid any possibility of having to deal with painful emotions like missing my t, or being reminded of bad childhood experiences while my parents are here and I'm spending time with them.

Any advice?