Have any of you had/do any of you have a therapist in a divorce?

It's knocking me for a loop.

I don't even know for sure how I knew. But I did. He certainly didn't tell me, and he was flabbergasted that I knew: "Just from my not mentioning my wife, you knew that?? Well, of course you did...."
Because I have bpd and I know what everything he says means even before he says it! (lol)

Now, it's been at least a year, and I asked him the other day, after he'd said something insightful, "Oh--are you in therapy now?" He laughed, answered no and THEN said, "And I'm not dating one, either."

YIKES! EEEEEEK! I HATE thinking about him dating......One of the things that has sustained me at times was what I imagined to be the stability of his own life, family, marriage....And he does value family SO highly, especially commitment to children.

I guess two things freak(ed) me out: that his life was in a huge upheaval over something he valued so much; and that now he wasn't who I thought he was.......weirdly, it feels like a betrayal.

I feel like his divorce has changed our relationship. It is impossible to talk to him about it....incredibly intrusive. When I very tentatively tried once, huge flash of anger: My marriage is none of your business!"

Well of course it's not!!! But the effects of my jolted sense of who he is, is my business.

Any similar experiences? Advice?