it's like this...

as much as i hate him, i have to love him. because he provided for us (as he reminded us constantly...) and gave us things (wouldnt let us forget that either). i mean he was a good person, too. i wouldnt say he was abusive or an abuser or anything...i mean, there are people who really DO get hit and things like that. but i think he lost control way too much, too often, and kept us all in a constant fear (and still does) and i cant stand that about him. hell, i don't know. maybe he was an abusive %#@&#!. if he wasn't to me, then i know for sure he was to my mom. telling her what she was feeling, yelling at her, asking her what was wrong with her why is she so unhappy (uh, duh!? look who shes got to deal with!) and, when she did something wrong, asking what kind of idiot would make that mistake. you know - the fun things!

thanks for all your kind responses. i just wanted to get that out, i dont even know why.