Would have been nice for him to tell me he was going to stay at the racetrack and drink. And at 5:45 it's a bit late. I had to phone him, and he was going to be home in an hour - it's now 4 hours later.

I'm compiling a mail to my T (I'm allowed a mail - maybe 2 - during the week of what's on my mind, won't get an answer from my T, but she'll prompt conversation that way during our session). I know have something to discuss.
Today she was teaching me progressive muscle relaxation - something she believes will help with the insomnia. I appreciate her assistance - the first time she's focused on teaching me a technique. And encouraged me to push through the "insomnia" - it feels like a reel of clips of parts of my life rush through my mind, each like 10mins long. I mustnt dwell on them, not analyse them, not stop them

Don't think I can go to a movie on my own... Should have gone to stables, but it was a scorcher and thne landed up a thunder, lightning and rain storm. Sedatives, alcohol and sleeping tabs - my hope of peace from this.
My T is thinking I also battle with BPD, hence the chronic lonliness, feelings of rejection and abandonment
I hate this sudden crash from hypomania...
Not even sure I want to go with my BF on holiday on Friday morning til Tuesday - with his child, mom and god-daughter
I cannot self-soothe myself....!!! It's lonely.