I've never really been in this situation before, so I'm not sure how much help I would be. I will say that if he is in counceling, don't mention the BPD. Let his councellor deal with it. One of my big issues is feeling abandoned, so I would like to know you are still there. Since he's sort of pushing you away, that may not be the case for him. You could maybe send him a Christmas card without any strings attached/no expectations expressed and see if he responds. Good luck and keep praying for him whether he has BPD or not.