Nothing will ever get better. I'll never beable to get help or have people understand how I feel. I am nothing, just a stupid, fat, free-loading, failure as a daughter and sister. I honestly can say I truley hate myself for ever existing. My anger and sadness does nothing but cause pain for others, and I have no way of controlling it. They all say that I'm doing it for attention. I've struggled with this since I was thirteen. I've never had a father really in my life, but I wish I did. I see him about twice a year. When I told him about leaving school because of bullying and doing online school, he told me that I could of stuck it out because he did, and he has depression. But honestly, school was so bad that it was driving me to the breaking point. I cannot get help because we cannot afford it. My mom and sister tell me I need to get a job and move out, but I don't know what to do. I've sheltered myself since I was fifteen, so I still feel fifteen. I'm on the edge with my depression and anxiety. I cannot afford help or medication or anything. I can't call suicide help lines because i'm too afraid. They all think it's attention, and that it'll pass. But I know it's not. I feel like if I were to die, everyone's lives would be so much better. My mom would have a better life for her and my sister, and she wouldn't suffer so much. I just feel so horrible for ever being born. I feel like I was the worst mistake my parents ever made. I never got good grades, or had a boyfriend, or anything. I'm a failure at life, and I don't deserve it anymore. I'm nothing. I don't know what to do. I have no friends, no one to talk to. I have no money for help. I have no life. I can't live like this anymore. All my sister and I do is fight, because she thinks depression isn't real and that it's all in someone's head. My mom is the person who has saved me from suicide over and over, but now I feel like even she is avoiding my problems. I just, feel like there's no hope. I can't do anything. I'm powerless. I'm stressed out, and shaking all the time from anxiety. I use to cut, but not anymore, though i've been considering it. Suicide is constantly on my mind. I usually try to talk myself out of it, but it's hard. The rest of my family, who know about my depression, think I can change it by myself and that im just trying to stress my mom out. My aunt even told me its my fault for being depressed, even though I didn't do anything. I'm so done with living like this with no help, and no one who will ever understand me.