Maybe if T asked you to journal about it - try to do that.

It seems to me that asking people here what they think may serve for you as an escape from dealing with that emotion and the reason why it was so hard when you said - time to go away now.

I think it will be useful to stay with that and explore it for yourself as it is only through our own process that we can reach peace, even when others can provide relief and understanding.

I hope I am not being too harsh. And I think you are great for being so brave in going through this process.