You said, "Trying to get the strength I need to keep fighting".
Yes, you do, and it is all well worth it too, maybe you won't or can't see it now, but in time you shall see.
I was in the grips of depression awhile back, stayed under pdoc and psychologist's care, did the hospital thing, stayed with meds as directed, I shudder when I think if I hadn't fought this damn depression I wouldn't be here today. . . I'm glad I kept with stuff, though it was and sometimes still is a struggle. Please, stay with therapy and/or meds., don't let the demon win.
Love to you,
DE