F'n allowing self to feel today.Throats getting tight as I swallow the urge to weep.Push down the realities that are there.Stuff my vulnerability back far beneath the mask...keeps seeping up...trying powerfully to rise to the surface.That is dangerous.Comfortably numb atm...can type this.A bit bitter too.Very bitter.But I will never allow it out.Never ...not in its pure form.I must 'do unto others as I'd have them do unto me'.Otherwise I have lost the fight...resigned fully.We HAVE resigned.Just not fully....not officially.I have resigned from us...but not from them...or from all of you.But the we...................we are broken.We will never be restored to the innocence that was.Once led to that cliff...you simply jump.It doesn't rush up and coddle you once more.Once you pierce the veil of the ideal we are born with.well,then..a putrid ...scent and red glow hisses thru......the thing that is...is reality rushing in...the reality of what is in this world...its transformative capability...its destructive impulse...the weight it bears upon the heart of man.Oddly I am two halves.One is innocent...unstained...able to hold the universe as a pure and lovely symphonic star....swirling atop the tip of gods finger....the other half......sees the darkness.....understands it is there..........is wise from eons of existing and can see right thru it.Then there is we.....the shattered bits of this life in particular....wolfs current life.Fragmented....whole....every opposite you imagine within one molecule.Except one.....I dont have that one.which?...doesnt matter...We know which......You reaching out seems timely ..as this was floating atop my heart as oil does atop water.There was a pressure there.....A deep curtsy for the hug...and a hat tip as well....WO.olf