Good that baby is with you. How old is he?
I am sure you are a wonderful mother. I have no doubt about that
Its important that your son has nice man role models around him from now on - so next time just choose carefully. Take your time with men - just say you have a son so you want to be sure its the right relationship.
I am glad he is happier and no longer afraid of people - thats good. He has been through trauma as well - and at that age it can affect the brain - make sure you hug him a lot with his face to you and look into his eyes with big smiles as much as you can - at least 10 times a day - it will affect his brain development positively and help heal the trauma.

My god - your ex history is devostating. I hope he will be locked for a long time. Can it be classified as attempt murder? (sorry - I hope I am not triggering)

The realisation of being with a guy like this is hard. Its hard for me to think I have been with an abuser, a violent person, a manipulator, a lier, a man who loved to hurt me... so to think that you have been with an outright criminal is very hard. Did you know any of this stuff?

I know what you mean about the exhaustion and draining you - when I left in March - I packed a suitcase and left - with the last bit of strength I had... now I am so much stronger... yes - the spirit does come back but I feel I am carrying this weight and it wont go away...

Thank you for your kind words. Kiss your baby for me. I hug you and wish you a wonderful, peaceful and joyous xmas! xxx