Thanks for reminding me that it's okay to take care of me, you guys. I forget that sometimes.

Also, echoes, I hadn't thought of it that way (if someone recognized me), thanks for that

M called me tonight and she checked out of the hospital AMA and said she was just going home to die. It was a difficult conversation, because I'm not a therapist and I don't know how to handle that kind of thing. It also made me selfishly glad that the town where M lives is an hour away from me, so I have a pretty good excuse for not dropping everything and going to rescue her.

Which is hard, because I am a rescuer, and I feel bad for her for being alone, and I don't want her to get sicker or die. And I can't control any of that, except my own actions and reactions.

I'm remembering all the times my T has said to me "stop and think about what is true for you, in this moment." I felt panicked when M called me, and that I had to do something, anything. Then I took a breath, and realized I am still here. I am still home. Tomorrow is xmas eve and my kids are coming over. I am okay. Even if M isn't, I'm okay.

It made me think. Even if nobody else around me is okay, I'm okay. Even if T isn't okay, even if T isn't there, even if she was gone, I'm okay. I might be happy or sad or angry or frustrated or goofy or hyper or tired, I might even be all alone, but I'm okay.

what the...when did this happen?