The need or lack that pachy mentions could easily prove to be an illusion -- something like, "Darn! No matter how fast I chase my tail, it always manages to keep just out of reach. If I ever catch it, I'll give it a good bite just to teach it a lesson!"

One problem that I see either with asking someone else to change or with deciding to do so myself, is that they (or I) may not have a very good sense of what our choices really are, nor much of a handle on actually making the proposed change. Basic (if dumb) example: if I kept pestering you for money till you told me you were going to avoid me unless I changed, I might promise to wake up prosperous in the morning but my odds of actually doing so probably wouldn't be very good.

When I was in my teens especially, I regularly found myself thinking things like, "I'm too careful, standoffish and isolated. I need to pay more attention to other people." A week or two later it might be, "I need to stop wasting my time and energy on people who don't seem to appreciate it." I might keep bouncing back and forth between those two positions for a while but neither "change" would actually do much for me.