I totally understand what you are saying. Often I too wish I would just not wake up, if only so the pain would go away.
Another desire I have, that many may think is bizarre, is I just want to scream or groan to express some of the pain & let it out. I do live close to my neighbors though, so I do try to refrain, unless I just can't help it. Do you think it helps to do this, or just make it worse?
When I have to be quiet, it seems that screaming would help. But when I am not actually in intense pain & feeling the urge, thus able to think about it; it seems that the screaming would just increase the anxiety, which would increase the pain.
What do you think?