{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Val}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

It sounds like you have made an important discovery (that you were hiding your feelings from yourself). It's hard to get into the spirit of the holidays when you associate this time of year with hard and painful things. I hope that it gets easier for you to enjoy Christmas.

<font color=green>"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible" Carl Jung</font color=green>