This is a horrible day.

I got up and was already in a bad mood because of a mean thing my brother-in-law did. Then I opened my email and found a CARBON COPY of an email that my boss had sent to HR saying that they won't be keeping me, even "casual" and that if I want to work there, I need to apply all over again.
I get this on Christmas Eve. I had called my manager to see if she needed me to work this week and I never got a call. I talked to her last week and we both agreed that I was going to go to "casual" status. And now I get this shock from an email that was a carbon copy!
I then started hurting my arm with a screwdriver. I've been yelling at my partner, and his family surely thinks I'm crazy.
I called my Mom telling her I want to die. My partner talked to me and calmed me down but I still am in shock. I was so sure that at least I still had my job. I feel stabbed in the stomach.
I keep thinking that I should be dead and that I'm still alive means I'm going against the grain...I mean horrible things just keep happening to me. And instead of my family wanting to have peace in death, they want me to keep suffering.
I'm sorry if this is not the most coherent email I've written. I just am beyond shock.

Z