crap. M texted me this morning saying "I'm not dead yet" and then throughout the day she sent a number of texts about being in pain, and wanting to die, and taking enough drugs to "sleep forever."

So tonight I tried to call her, but she didn't answer. I have been around the block with her a few times about texting and how it can sometimes be really ineffective. So I said "I understand if you can't talk right now, and that's fine...texting has not proven to be a really effective way for us to communicate in the past, and I'm trying to avoid those same pitfalls. Saying you can't talk when you can't is good self care, but maybe you could let me know when would be a good time?"

Her response was: "never mind. I talk 2 u when I stop screaming. Phobe is off until March. 2012"

So, then I felt bad, so I said this: "I'm sorry you're in such a bad place, M. And I'm sorry I can't help you. I can give you T or group-Ts numbers if you want. They have the experience and skills I do not. If you are in that much pain, go to the er. That's all the advice anyone can give you about that."

Her reply: Never

so now I'm getting pretty damn annoyed, but trying to be calm. I said: "Ok, well maybe at some point you will realize how irrational that is. Physical illness only makes it that much more difficult to use our wise minds. I am not a mental health professional and I don't have the skills to know what else to say but I do know that you are stubbornly refusing to speak to me and there is NO WAY this conversation is going to to be effective in this format. None. So, if you are emotionally unhealthy, call T or group-T. If you are physically in pain, go to the doctor. If you just want someone to talk to, call me. But please stop sending me texts saying you are dying, want to die, or wish you would die. This is upsetting and it's mother sucking xmas eve."

I mean, god. Seriously??