Lexicon 78,
Bravo, Lexi, for getting this far. It's hard to put these kind of memories behind you. Based on my experience with other challenges in my past life, it sounds to me like you might have some post traumatic stress syndrome from what happened in your childhood. With PTDS, past memories can flashback to you when you least expect it, and of course at the least opportune time.

Don't lose faith. You can get through this.

Jane - Oz