I know there is no time machine. Hell if there were I would be so tempted to use it many many times.

I don't know if it is a matter of people living in the past or just protecting themselves from being hurt again. I think part of the reason that it is bothering me so much particularly right now is that as a result of these mistakes I have lost my best friend and as such feel pretty much alone. In addition, another very important friend of mine usually has no time for me so we have the occasional txt chat but that is rare.

At the moment, there are two friends that I value more than any other and they are both pretty much absent which makes me move in the abandonment direction. Of course the abandonment makes the depression worse. And of course not having the contact or the real life person to talk to...can't even come up with the right word.

This is of course something worth exploring with my T if I can actually muster the strength to talk about it