shyviolet, I do not know why it took so long for me to see what you wrote. I know all too well what its like to write and delete and write and delete. I do it often because I am so afraid that what I have to say is inappropriate or wrong or bad. So I go through layers of filters to try to keep myself safe while posting. I hope you will post more often shyviolet. I know its hard though. I do not think you sound "like a spaz" But I surely do know the feeling. I feel it too. Its hard for me also to feel like I fit in anywhere. Being Avpd, to me is so excruciatingly painful. But you are not alone. I relate to what you say. <3