JustWannaDisappear,
My story starts with a few episodes of depression through college and early grad school. Maybe a high score or two on the bipolar scale questionaires that made me and my psychiatrist wonder whether I was bipolar II. I found some stability with effexor and risperdal. But then one spring came the drinking; it got heavier and heavier and the next thing I know I am this tightly wound ball of anxiety and irritability and my wife is telling me she doesn't recognize me and if I don't shape up she is gone and I'm so unable to get a grip on it I don't care what she says. It went on for a couple of weeks before letting up. These episodes, sometimes with drinking, others without, kept recurring. I changed psychiatrists for insurance reasons and after seeing him a year he says, you know what, I think these are mixed episodes and you have Bipolar I. So now I take lithium and newly abilify and live with these deep doubts over the diagnosis. You see, I have spent time as a student on psych wards and have seen the worst of what bipolar mania can be. But I'm not that bad, so I wonder how can the diagnosis be, you know?
Tell your therapist what you are thinking. Open communication is the only way to make it work, because meds alone won't do it for you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustWannaDisappear
I have a long history with depression among other things. I'm currently in therapy and a few weeks ago my therapist said she's been thinking I could possibly be bipolar 2. While it's something I have thought about, I keep going back to no I really don't think I am.
I have a few family members who are bipolar, and two of my siblings are.
Anyway, it seems that my "mania" is more severe anxiety and irritability. I also have shopping issues which I do when I'm in my up moods. Then I crash. Sometimes I can go days with bad anxiety and being highly irritable and some days I can switch back and forth in the same day.
I'm currently on Celexa and am on the highest dose, I want to go off my meds again. I hate being on them and I hate that I'm taking something that doesn't seem to make any difference.
I guess I'm just confused, frustrated and have reached my breaking point. I'm kind of scared to bring some of my feelings up to my therapist because she has thought about having me hospitalized and I refuse. I'm scared if I tell her how low I'm feeling again that she will force it. She told me recently that during my first session with her she thought I needed to be hospitalized but decided to wait it out and she thinks I've improved, which I have from where I was... I've now written a novel and I'm sure this makes zero sense.
I want to know how others cycle and what they had to go through to find a diagnosis.  |