I know I'm having a lot of trouble getting up the nerve to break up with him and everything, but I really am trying. I don't want people to think I'm not. I'm just no good at this kind of thing. I'm just so desperately terrified to do it. I know this month would be a really bad month to do it. I think the next fight between us may do it. I really do. That'll be in about a week or so, though. Yup, it happens like clockwork. I don't know why...

He keeps going on and on...jokingly...saying no one loves him but his mom and dad, but I really want to tell him yeah, I know. And everytime he jokingly says he's on the couch for the next month, I tell him fine...I really wish he would just leave sometimes. He kisses me and all that crap...I feel like puking when he does it, too, lately...I just don't want him, but need the money right now...at least this month when all my bills are way over my income limit...ugh...